Beyond the Begonias: Grieving a Garden

The devotion and care for a family's garden creates a lasting emotional imprint that can surface at the time of a home sale. Raising a tree from a small seedling can be rewarding and personal, fostering memories of barbecues, a backyard wedding, family Easter-egg hunts, or an evening of stargazing tightly interwoven in the mind's eye. It is not uncommon for a home seller to become misty and sentimental over a well-loved garden. Some sellers even confess to a periodic drive-by checkup on how the new owners are maintaining the yard, or (gasp!) not. Here are some ways of coping with saying goodbye to a landscape that that holds so much personal creative history.

The avocado tree in the side yard was born on the kitchen windowsill, a third-grader's homework assignment consisting of a seed, three toothpicks and a Dixie cup. Once it grew too large to transplant one last time, you had to put it in the ground, where it has forever rooted itself. What can you do to preserve this piece of family history? Take a cutting. If you are not an expert already, you might wish to seek the advice of a gardener or nursery owner to ensure the proper way of cutting and rooting a part of your beloved tree to make the operation a success. Within a short time you will have your tree's offspring in your new home and soon after, to plant in the garden all over again.

If the opportunity arises, you might want to ask the buyers (either through the agent or directly, if it seems appropriate) what their plans are with the garden. Perhaps you can request that if they plan to dig up trees and shrubs to re-landscape or pave that they give you the option of reclaiming the greenery, even if it happens down the road a bit. You might have to wait a while for them to address the yard, but such a commitment up front may put you at ease when saying goodbye to your former home and its shrubbery, knowing you will one day be together again!

If sentimentality has its hands around your ankles, there is always the possibility of choosing a buyer who cherishes the landscaping and plans to maintain and improve it. Of course, this option is impossible to guarantee, since a buyer could have all good intentions but a not-so-green thumb. Being realistic about your expectations is certainly advised in this case, since there is the possibility of one day driving by to find the leaves shriveling off your once-prized magnolia, no matter how the new lady-of-the-house had adored it.

Sometimes sellers will leave detailed instructions for the buyer when they sell the house. This is a good practice, for it can be your own tribute to the garden while at the same time providing a handy and practical tool for your buyer. There are sellers who go into great detail, including the landscaping plans, plant names, and care details, with special tips for preferred plant foods and compounds. At the very least, this practice is a very positive means of obtaining "closure" upon departure.

Indeed, parting is such sweet sorrow. With so many bittersweet aspects to leaving one home for a new one, the key is to keep it in perspective. Look ahead to where you are going, taking your focus away from the sadness and placing it onto the opportunity to create something new, fresh, and lively with your signature once again. Make your new home where your heart is.